On providing joy and pleasure during difficult times; The importance of erotic labor

Oh 2026, you came in violently shaking many of us to our core and pulled back the veil of privilege so many were comfortable hiding behind. You've also shown us the ways community can gather, self sustain, and protect one another when we decide to organize (shout out to Minneappolis and Los Angeles). While there is hope and something incredible about watching people band together in such ways it has been heartbreaking and nearly unbearable to witness why this is so needed. It's been a long and difficult year for many of us - and by difficult I do mean a year witnessing the rise of fascism. I feel that needs to be explicitly stated. While I can't put the word in the title and share it to various platforms due to the current level of censorship (I still can’t believe I have to say that), if you’re here to read my post I want you to know exactly what framework I’m utilizing. 

Now that I've gotten that out of the way lets take things back to a couple weeks ago.

I'm on my 3rd photoshoot of the week and this one happens to be right after a 11 hour day at my vanilla job, a job that I love and dreamt of having my entire life, a job I am deeply fortunate to have - and an emotionally demanding and at times relentless job nonetheless. I haven't had time for a break or a meal that day, I’m exhausted. A set of photos isn’t coming out how I envisioned, my body is fatigued....I can feel my patience wearing thin and my emotions taking over. Somewhat predictably I crash out 'This is so stupid who cares how hot I look or how accentuated my curves are with this lighting - people are being kidnapped, tortured, and killed!! and I'm here focusing on making sure I look hot. This is ridiculous! This isn’t where my energy should be going.’ I start to cry. The photographer, who knows me well, tries to comfort me and offers a break so I can eat. I refuse, stating I'd rather just get the shoot over with so I can fully rest. I quietly cry while they continue to take photos and out of that this photo was born: 

It's truly too bad I have to be face in because the details of me crying and the heaviness in my eyes while still glammed up and posing truly make this picture worth more than it has to offer with the blur.. And the story in itself speaks to the resilience of so many industry workers because I know I am not the only one who has felt this way. I’ll admit in some moments this work can sometimes feel quite meaningless if I allow myself to get consumed by anhedonia and nihilism (I am typically more of an existentialist, but I digress). But when I am truly grounded, moving in alignment with myself, and can see the bigger picture; at my core I find being an erotic worker incredibly important and do believe the spaces I offer are an essential reprieve in times of great uncertainty. Ultimately, the portion of the work I find somewhat unbearable is the marketing... I have very little desire to be a social media influencer with a perfectly curated persona. The new age of what our industry’s marketing looks like in more recent years has its pros and cons but one significant con in my opinion is the amount of content we must pump out in order to maintain our livelihoods. I have never loved that aspect of it and do less so now that I have a full blown career in healthcare on top of this one! But alas, it is part of the job and so I do it so that I can also access parts of the work that I do love; the in person interactions, human connection, relationship building.

I love to entertain, hold space, emotionally connect, to watch someone discover new parts of themselves amid an unexpected light bulb moment. I love the work of human connection, exploration, healing, and facilitation. My job as a provider is to show up in such a way that those who hire me feel as though it is possible to suspend time and forget about everything should they wish to, to feel as though they are free to bring up and discuss just about any topic, and should we discuss heavier topics it is still my job to primarily offer safety, reprieve, joy, laughter, and pleasure for the hours or days a client has decided to spend with me. I don’t take that lightly and am honored each time someone decides to spend some of their one finite resource with me - time. I feel especially honored to have someone spend that time with me amid difficult moments in society where we are constantly being faced with the truth that our lives could change in the blink of an eye. It truly is something special to have someone decide to prioritize their joy and pleasure and to trust you with that. When I am with someone I am firmly grounded in the wisdom that rest, joy, pleasure, and erotic are revolutionary for many of us and necessary to continue powering through the paths we each navigate. 

Many of our nervous systems are going haywire holding a variety of anxieties as the ground from underneath us destabilizes, the rot buried deep in the roots of the nation’s systems finally being fully exposed. Some of us have known this for decades, some for generations, others perhaps newly seeing what has been there all along. As a collective we are witnessing human suffering at rates we’ve never had to; due to the technology we all have at our fingertips, our loved ones and communities threatened and targeted, the people ‘in charge’ modeling that cruelty is now acceptable to loudly express and may even be rewarded with immunity. Our bodies and minds react accordingly and how that manifests is different for each individual. I believe because of my particular skillsets and values that it is also part of my job to be able to sit in that with someone if it is what they need.

Some of us exist in bodies that are ‘accustomed to’ a consistent undercurrent of anxiety due to holding marginalized and oppressed identities while others might be feeling newer things - things that your privilege may have protected you from up until much more recently. Every murder caused by ICE is abhorrent and I hate to say it they’re in some ways doing society a favor by pulling the very thin veil of privilege back and sending a clear message - proximity to whiteness will no longer protect anyone unless you’re furthering their perspectives. As much as many of the folks I interact with say they’d like to dismantle white supremacy and the kyriarchy I’m also aware that many are sitting with new feelings amid the realization that dismantling white supremacy means they kill white folks too. And its ok if your nervous system is adjusting to this new reality - one of the ways I hold space is to allow room for that too if its needed.

Regardless of your individual positionality my assumption is that if you’ve chosen to book me out of all the incredible, talented, and stunning providers you’ve come across then not only did my looks appeal to you but my perspectives did as well. When we meet for a booking during that time my main ‘goal’ is for whomever I’m with to let go during and to feel lighter afterward, their spirits more hopeful, their minds storing memories that will last a lifetime - so that whatever journey they are on might feel a bit more sustainable.

I have no answers here just my own thoughts, feelings, rants. I am a healer and community member in my vanilla career, I exist in pockets of my communities where I am still grounded in a few forms of activism, and I am committed to honoring my role as an erotic worker through these uncertain times. I see it as an offering due to the particular skillsets I have amassed over the last decade or so. And no, the offering is not free because despite my loving the work it is a tremendous amount of labor to expand, cultivate, and hold space the ways I do.  Payment is for my expertise, skillset,  my time, my emotional labor, my ability to meet you wherever you are…my radiant smile and sure incredible legs..ahem let me get back on track. I’m doing a job and showing up for you and your desires and while it is my pleasure to do so I charge because I still need to exist within the systems we’re beholden to and I have no interest in struggling my way through my own life. By hiring me you are offering yourself something beautiful and prioritizing your own joy and pleasure, you're also offering something to me and the communities I serve. By paying me you allow my life to be sustainable and more spacious, you allow a bit more breathing room for me to move (somewhat) freely under hypercapitalism and give me space to continue my work as a healer to serve those who perhaps could not otherwise afford access to the things I offer in my vanilla career.

I’d have loved my first post back to be one with more levity and it would be deeply dishonest of me to (re)launch my blog after a 3+ year hiatus and not acknowledge the state the country, and much of the world, is in. I love my jobs, I love holding space and bearing witness to others, I love building relationship, playing and bantering. I feel incredibly grateful for those who spend time with me and I’m excited to write and share more with you all again. 

Until the next post.

xx,

A